Over Reacting

Dear Friends,
All my life I have been told "you are too hard on yourself."  Actually, it has been awhile since I've heard that exact phrase, but it is something I struggle with.

People talk about a "need to please" as a bad thing.  It is supposedly much better to just do your best and let others respond however they choose.  I think I agree with that.  It is good to just make my choices and let the chips fall where they may.  Good.

But, I've noticed recently that I am too hard on myself about things that don't matter.  If I make a conscience choice about something important and others disagree with me, fine.  I can handle that.  The problem comes when I do something that doesn't matter in the least to me and then get criticized for it.  I think, "I didn't know you felt that way.  Why did I do that?  I shouldn't have.  Oh no, no I've gotten on his nerves.  I didn't mean to get on his nerves.  I should make sure I don't do that anymore." On and on and on it goes in my head.  I think, "I didn't even care about that anyway.  I could easily have done it your way."  I say, "sorry," or more likely I say nothing.  I just go right on beating myself up for not realizing something I didn't realize.

That doesn't seem smart.  Why should I be disappointed that I didn't do something I never thought of doing, or that I did something I didn't care about and didn't know would bother someone else?  If I didn't think of it or didn't know, then I just didn't think of it or didn't know.  Obvious, huh?  Why has it taken me so long to notice that?

That is what I have been thinking about today.  Maybe I'm understanding better the idea, "don't sweat the small stuff... and it is all small stuff."  If I can take criticism for things that matter to me, surely I can take it for things that don't.

Happy spanking everyone,
Maryann